"Rob Gets an Anal Probe" is the first episode of Season One, and the first overall episode of The Jumping Ground. It first aired on January 28, 1998.
Rob tells his friends about an odd nightmare he had the previous night involving alien visitors abducting him from his bed. Puff, Lance, Zowie and Chef all try to convince him that his dream really happened.
An archaeological dig is taking place in Giza, Egypt in 1928, where Professor Paul Langford discovers an artifact, a large metal ring with symbols all along the edge with nine chevrons, that has been protected by coverstones. His young daughter Catherine acquires an amulet.
In the present day, a kid named Rob Broflovski details his dream of being abducted by aliens and receiving an Anal Probe. The others try to convince him it was real, but Rob assumes they're just trying to scare him. Chef then pulls up and asks his friends if they saw a visitor spaceship, inadvertently confirming the reality behind Rob's "dream." Chef is also wearing a t-shirt with a picture of an alien "visitor" on the back with the word "Believe", scaring Rob even more. After Chef leaves, the school bus shows up, introducing Ms. Crabtree, a scary-looking, loudmouthed, middle aged school bus driver who constantly tells the children to "Sit down and shut up!" As the bus is driving away, Lance Patrick looks back and sees his brother Ike, being held by two visitors.
Meanwhile, Officer Barbrady investigates another cow mutilation on Jenkins' farm. Several other visitors try to lure away cows by whistling and offering straw. The cows aren't falling for the trap as several of them have been turned inside out. Barbrady explains that a cow turning inside out is nothing unusual, clearly revealing that he's an incompetent law officer. Also, when helicopters fly by and the farmer asks what they were, Barbrady says they were pigeons.
The kids, who work at the Langham Institute, an educational, scientific, and millitary facility, are now at class. Worried about his brother (and how his parents will react), Puff asks Mr. Brown if he can be excused from school to find his brother. Mr. Brown tells PuffPuff Humbert he has to have a toilet pass. Rob laughs at Puff and ends up farting fire (due to the anal probe) at one of the children, a blob-like alien (whom we later discover is Hellucard, in "Damien"). Lance then laughs hysterically, only for his girlfriend Zowie Hosker to punch him.
After class, the four are standing in line for lunch. Rob, who is still farting fire, is confronted by Catherine, now an old woman, about a job decoding Egyptian Hieroglyphs for the United States Air Force. Predictably, thrilled at having achieved employment, Rob reluctantly accepts Catherine's proposal. Inside a former nuclear missile silo, he is presented with the coverstones. He finds the translation of the hieroglyphs on the inner tract is wrong and corrects it, discovering the portion translated as "door to heaven" really reads "Groundbridge."
Over the course of the next two weeks, Rob puzzles over the mysterious seven symbols in the center of the Cartouche. Due to a chance incident, he discovers that these seven symbols are not words to be translated, but star Constellations. When explaining his findings to Stamford Gate's commanding officer, Mr. Mandelson, he states that the cartouche charts a course to a point in deep space with seven symbols—six for the destination and one for the point of origin.
Mandelson decides to show Rob the artifact discovered in 1928—the Groundbridge itself. After Puff gathers the following fellow students together: Clyde Goodman, Tobias Wilson, Toad Sanderson, Dino-Rang, and Drill Sergeant, Rob quickly discovers which symbol on the gate is the point of origin, and the gate is activated, creating a wormhole between it and another gate "on the other side of the known universe." An initial probe is sent through the gate, revealing the planet on the other side can support human life.
Space Monitor Paul Callaghan has been listening in to radio transmissions from the SkyLab. He contacts The Langham and orders the millitary on sending a reconnaissance team, headed by PuffPuff, through the bridge, but the symbols of the gate on the other side are different. Rob volunteers to go along so he can realign the Groundbridge on the other side, so the team can return to Earth. West okay's the mission and Catherine gives Rob her amulet so he can bring it along as good luck. The team steps through the gate and comes out in an Egyptian temple of the desert planet.
With the Groundbridge now shut, the being then orders his troops to "kree" before ordering his main guard who is called Heru'ur to "Kree". As such, a huge battle begins with the serpent-armored beings having a huge advantage over the poorly equipped guards with the serpent beings slaughtering the guards one by one with the battle eventually leaving the Embarkation Room a huge mess stained with blood, carnage and destruction as well as the lifeless bodies of the guards.
When the team arrive on Abydos with Lance complaining that he's going to be sick, they find a group of Earth weaponry-armed Abydonians waiting for them. It turns out to be a stand-off until Puff arrives, telling everyone to lower their guns. As the team groups up, Puff tells Rob what happened on Earth with Rob begrudgingly claiming that the beings didn't come through this Groundbridge, only for the Anal Probe to activate itself.
As they wait for a raging sandstorm to pass, the group settle down for an afternoon meal, Rob starts farting fire again, until a seasoned Abadonian warrior, Skaara agrees to remove the probe, while another troop of sentient beings known as Jaffa arrive. While Puff, Lance, Toad, and Tobias provide cover, Zowie and Clyde lead Rob the numerous Abadonian refugees through the Groundbridge and back to Earth.
Zowie and Rob are the first two back to Earth and tells the guards to hold their fire because they've got refugees, Mandelson tells her that he hopes she knows what she's doing. Back on Abydos, as Puff and the others fend off the approaching Serpent guards, Puff helps the refugees gain safe passage and head through the wormhole to Earth although a single staff blast kills one of the refugees. Just before Clyde goes back through the Gate, one of the refugees strangles a Jaffa Serpent Guard to death while one member of the team lies on the ground, injured after being shot by a staff weapon blast.
After everyone has made it safely through the Bridge, Mandelson orders that the Iris be locked which happens and as that happens, thuds are heard, suggesting that the Jaffa that pursued them are now dead. Meanwhile, Officer Barbrady finds the cows, and demands them to come back, but the cows use the device the Goa'uld made on him, and makes him sing I Love To Singa.
The next morning, Rob falls from the sky and lands at the bus stop. One of his eyes is red. He immediately describes to Puff and Lance a "dream" he had about getting pinkeye from Scott Baio aboard the alien spacecraft.